on peanut butter cookies

well my heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'. - KT Tunstall (Black Horse and a Cherry Tree)
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I'd leave her for you and your peanut butter cookies.

I crack a smile at such an innocent and silly joke. My calming force these days; all I wanted was to give you something back. That's what my peanut butter cookies do.

Don't you like to make cookies for people? It makes you feel better. Because they all talk about wonderful and amazing they are, and it makes you glad.

I agreed with this sentiment too- It took me probably 3 hours to bake all those cookies, and they were gone in about 10 minutes. That's why I had to have that separate stash for you- I promised you you would get some, and I knew if I waited for you to get to work, they'd all be gone. You grabbed me and hugged me and almost knocked me off my feet when you found out I'd saved some for you- I guess I'm just nice like that?

The suggestion was made that she and I should both bake you a batch of peanut butter cookies, but you wouldn't know who's was who's- and you'd have to decide who's you liked more. I said I wanted nothing to do with it. Seems morbid, doesn't it? Set the guy up to see if he likes his current girlfriend- or his ex-whatever's- cookies more? She laughed and said she didn't care, adding flippantly-

He'll have to eat my cookies for years to come, anyway.

That sounded so weird to me. I guess it makes sense. But I just can't picture him tied down, even though you've been together for awhile. I miss sitting up at night, while he'd play his guitar and we'd laugh and talk and make jokes. I miss showing him my stories- and him telling me that I'm talented. I miss how he wanted to show his dad my story. I miss how he used to be- and how muted he seems anymore. But I'll take my hugs at work and thanks for peanut butter cookies. And maybe one day I'll show him another story, and he'll sing me another one of his songs, and we'll be friends again.

Maybe. But for now, I'll say that the secret to the world's greatest peanut butter cookies is just this:

Honey Roasted Peter Pan Peanut Butter.