on you and me (round two)

Crooked spin can't come to rest, I'm damaged, bad, at best.- Elliott Smith (Say Yes)
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When I'm around you,

I'm not me anymore.

I'm docile-quiet-innocent-sweet-nothing.

I see you, and suddenly, it's like I can't remember what it was I was doing, what I was thinking-who I am, because all I want is to be someone that you want.

But it isn't what I want.

The bar we're at is loud, the drinks frequent, the whiskey bitter as it pours down my throat. I try to be normal-nonchalant-I don't want to seem like I care. I hate the idea of being weak.

But it wouldn't matter anyway, because you don't care- you are hitting on the server, flirting with a girl you've invited over that apparently knows everyone but me, and I can't breathe anymore.

I can't stay here-

and I leave.

I leave, and I walk, and make it almost to my door before the tears start to fall,

it's been so long since I've cried,

so long since I even let myself care about anything-anyone-you.

I need you to leave,

and I need my life to go back to the quiet, simple, unquestioning existence I once had.

I need ME back, and you gone.