on you

I want to scream fuck you Lucy, but the problem is I love you Lucy, so instead I'm a finish my drink, and have another, while you think about how you used to be my lover.- Atmosphere (Fuck You Lucy)
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Fuck you.

Fuck you, and everything that reminds me of you.

Fuck basketball.

Fuck Texas.

Fuck Atmosphere.

Fuck Debate.

Fuck it all.

Fuck. You want to know what? I'm not entirely sober right now, but this probably the most honest I've been about my feelings, in a long while as far as you are concerned. I can't do it anymore. I can't fucking be okay, and something remind me of you and get upset? I can't be in a good mood- and want to talk to you- and you fucking blow me off. I can't do this, I can't keep getting messed up- because you know what?

I don't believe you. I don't think you ever even cared about me. I don't think you ever liked me- I don't think you ever even fucking knew me. I don't think you meant it when you told me I was beautiful, and I don't think you meant it when you said you still want to be my friend. Fuck you. You want honest? You want me to not say something, unless I mean it? Then this is what I have to say: I can't be around you. I can't talk to you. Because that's all I want to do- all I want is to be around you, all I want is for you to tell me you love me, all I want is a hug and recognition. All I want is to flirt and talk and nothing to have changed. I want reassurance that I'm not just horribly fucked up and no one will ever want me. I feel like i'm walking on egg shells. I don't want to think about the ramifications of the things I say or do, because what if it means in the end, I don't get you? Only in the end, I don't get you anyway, do I? Maybe there's some twist I don't know about, but right now I don't think that's true. I want you in my life so much. I want things to have never changed. I want you to actually want to talk to me, instead of it to feel like some obligation. Don't do me any favors.

Fuck.

I need a new hobby.