on stars

And why do we drink? I guess we do it 'cause, And when I turned your station on You sounded more familiar than that party was, You more familiar than that party. It's the first time I stayed up all night, It's getting light I hear the birds, I'm driving home on empty streets, I think I put my shirt on backwards.- Dar Williams (Are You Out There)
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I'm supposed to tell you i'll be out front, if you need me.

I've swung the back patio door open to inform my friends of my new location at your request, and they all smile mischieviously at me in response.

No worries,

I respond.

He just wants to go lay out on the grass for awhile.

A chorus of "sures" and catcalls follow me as I close the sliding door and walk back to the living room. You stumble out of the bathroom, and smile at me as we walk outside to the front yard.

I make myself comfortable on the yard and as I lay there, I look up at the sky.

You can see the stars, it's really pretty.

I can see like one,

he responds, squinting.

There's a lot out- I can't see any from my new place,

I say as I point.

I can only focus on one at a time.

He looks over at me, and I inwardly sigh. Here I am, at 5am, buzzed, and what am I doing? I'm lying in a front yard with a cute boy, and we're looking up at the sky.

I hate you,

he tells me. I crack a smile.

why's that?

because you told me it would be a good idea to bong another beer-

I never said that. and if I did, I was joking,

I laugh.

The poor guy. He is clearly confused and heartbroken and wanting to forget the world, and all I have done is invited him to a house where drunken girls are calling boys cockroaches, and he is now drunk beyond repair, and I am sobering up, ready to leave.

You're so badass for agreeing to sleep in the grass with me.

he says.

A second ago he hates me, now i'm badass. Oh how alcohol impairs the mind.

Are you okay?

I'm concerned because I don't know that I've ever seen him this drunk. I feel like i'm a seasoned veteran taking care of him, only I'm not even old enough to legally drink, so who am I to know?

I think I'll probably get sick, it's just a matter of time.

He is brutally honest as he lays on his back, his arms folded across his chest and looking up at the sky.

I mimic his pose as I look up. It's starting to get cloudy, the sky less dark. Morning will come soon. Time passes, as we sit in silence- I feel like maybe I should say something, console him in some way, but no words come, and so I lay in the grass and watch the stars.

He gets sick, as I knew he would and I bring him a glass of water as I sadly watch him. A sad drunk person puking their guts out is perhaps to me one of the most heartwrenching things- they drank to forget, and they missed the limit, and now feel worse than before.

Can I get you anything?

a tissue?

His voice sounds weak, and my heart truly does go out to him.

As he lays back down and sips on his water, I sit and pick at the grass. tearing the pieces apart, trying to think of something clever to say, wishing I knew how to make things better but I don't.
I'm just the same, just as broken, just as sad. Only I know my limit, and tonight wasn't a night to pass it.

Are you sure you don't want to go inside,

I lean over him, as he looks up at me, so forlorn.

No, I want to sleep out here.

Even in a drunken state he's so afraid he'll get sick inside, and doesn't want to mess up the house. I concede to him, and grab a small blanket from inside. I lay it over him as he curls up in the grass, as the sky lightens.

It's 6am, time to go home.

time to go to bed,

time to give up.